Winter soul-stice

A blank Tuesday

wakes up to a misty morning

shakes off the previous night's cloak

the baggage of ex-relationships

and walks into the Sulphur pools of Rajgir

A dying October

saunters amidst the falling walls of Nalanda

imbibes the wisdom of sages from ages

looks for books in the nooks

and walks away chanting the mantra of silence

A ten year old 2012

feels helpless at Kosi's madness

gets strength from the gram devta

finishes his ablutions at Gaya 

and finds nirvana beneath a Christmas tree

A confused me

hears their stories

wondering and wandering in between

noting down what should have been lost

and getting lost where I should have been found. 

Autumn evenings

It's a very strange pain
that blossoms in my heart
like a three and a quarter petal orchid

A faint scent of violet, indeed
Oh...the fragrance of a colour
changes the way my evenings feel

The walls bleed music
of a thousand years past
stories of a lute and a trombone and you

I see you humming to yourself
and the stage of the world burns
ashes clog the flow of time for eternity

You paint my thoughts
the hue of your lips
I become a muddy pool of blue

You have ink in your veins
the moon is a blank sheet of paper
Love...an inevitable piece of poetry

You won't know those evenings...

And ever since
the river flowed
wordlessly
across the gentle plains,
in her heart
a lilting lullaby
silenced forever.
---
The evenings
forgot the melody
of homecoming.
Migratory birds
died en-route
thirsty, lonely and loveless
---
Some grave
was razed to nothingness
to ease my soul's
breaking the repertoire
of past births.
---
To create
nothingness
from chaos
is insanity.
---
Mute the pain.
Nurture a desert
within an oasis.
---
Salvation is deafening.
Each teardrop plays a note
Let it rain...let it rain...let it rain. 

Impulses...physical...chemical...some nerve!

Gone are the pangs of words unspoken and just a void remains...in the abstract desert of imagination...nothing blooms...Clouds loom large over the placid lake that are my eyes now and the sun goes down for more than several months. I have drifted away to the farthest end of the earth. 

I try the hardest to find a glimpse of hope...a ray of lost sunshine when I realize...its not that the world has gone quiet...I have turned deaf...it's not that there is no sunshine...I have gone blind...the grief that is holding my savage heart a hostage is not of the world but a Frankenstine I've created...my own personal nemesis.

In each of us, a world gets created by the choices we make and I was doomed to have my destruction brought upon by none else but me. I don't know why I was born with the spirit of a fighter...I have never quit...when everything goes down I still have hopes of constructing everything over again...even on lost grounds. I don't know how but somehow I don't ever know when to realize it's a battle lost...and somewhere because I always believe there is a comeback...I make it happen...almost all by the fierceness of that desire...that belief in myself...that unflinching resolve to create a world I want to live in. 

Destruction is not always incidental...sometimes it is planned well in advance for complete annihilation is perhaps the first requirement to create something that never existed before. There has to be no 'before'. Things have to start from the beginning of time. Sometimes it actually is better to have no memories. Now, if only, it was possible to completely erase them from the deepest trenches of our consciousness. 

So, here I am...unwinding time, making it run backwards and wiping away every fragment I have created ever. The air carries with it the whiff of autumn, it's high time I let the yellowed, dying leaves disintegrate. HCN...played a big role in the life coming to the form it currently is...I guess it's high time to take it out of the textbooks and taste it...for real!